Family is Family

I live in a small two bedroom one bath home, it could actually be a three bedroom if I wanted to take the ginormous desk out of the smallest room and trade it for a twin size bed, but then where would I put the desk? This question has been floating in my head for a few weeks; lately I’ve been stressing on it more frequently than I should.

Allow me to rewind a bit…

CNA (certified nursing assistant) is my profession, grueling at times but also rewarding. Breathing like I was trying to get my last breath, pulse racing at 159+, seconds away from passing out and hitting the floor left me sporting a heart monitor for Thanksgiving dinner. No thanks to my ticker, now lacking the ability to perform any activity the way a ‘normal’ 39 year old should, I was grounded so to speak from working, only allowed to do whatever didn’t get my ticker racing. I always have to be doing something, keeping busy somehow. Going from always busy to making me comfy on the couch is absolute torture!!  Coming around to tell my children about my health wasn’t easy;  I didn’t want them to worry, or to see myself as I did, weak, broken  and incapable of doing everything I once loved, more importantly, being me.  

With tears in her eyes my oldest said

“I know you need my help, you’ve always helped us and everything, it only seems right that we are able to help you both now,  we will get a job and help as much as we can”

Without hesitation they both stepped up and made myself and my husband very proud. So in December, the month in which most people go overboard spending countless hours searching for that perfect gift, spends the extra minutes to make certain it is wrapped in the perfect paper with the perfect bow. Yes Dreaded December, as I like to call it, this is when my oldest children came home…

January is when my 15-year-old abusive daughter was discharged and placed back into our home for the 6th time since September of 2011. (Eventually will share those events)

My once quiet, calm, cozy 2 bedroom fit perfectly just for me home has been transformed. Housing me, my husband, 3 children (even though ages say otherwise to me they are still my children) and our Labrador Libby. Once my tranquil retreat, now chaotic and hectic, filled with Dubstep, skrillex, Hip-hop, endless piles of laundry, dishes, petty arguments, silent treatments and long lines outside the bathroom door. Living room by day transforms to my son’s sleeping quarters at night. He doesn’t worry about having his own room, he is content with having the couch as his bed, so why do I stress on where to put the desk? Why not leave it where it sits? Even if I moved the desk and transformed the room into a bedroom there would still be chaos, my house would still be full.

At the end of the day when all the chaos has subsided, I look around my overflowing home and realize I wouldn’t trade this for anything. No family is perfect, we argue we fight, we even stop talking to each other at times, but in the end, family is family. So don’t sweat the small stuff, the love for one another will always be there.

 

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